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Raphael and I

this is the greatest conversation two friends of mine ver had! love it~!!!!

visits Raphael's blog at www.stupiddecisionsanonymous.blogspot.com

• Sarah Packard

  • howdy doo da day
• Raphael John Biltz

  • Zippiddy doo da! Zippiddy Day!
• Sarah Packard

  • my oh my what a wonderful day
• Raphael John Biltz

  • Filled with marshmallows and strawberries and a neurotic unicorn named dave with an overbite the size of montana!
• Sarah Packard

  • and a fairy named Christina who thinks she can sing every note of the sound barrier and a cartiloginious shark named freddy who eats veggies covered in cheese and preservatives.
• Raphael John Biltz

  • And an imp with no name who tries to seduce inanimate objects, but never gets anywhere cuz she gets mad at them all "ignoring" her!
• Sarah Packard

  • and a car who lost his hood ornament and is trying to find it amongst the craziness of this mad mad world!
• Raphael John Biltz

  • But secretly the hood ornament is alive, and running for president with the slogan "Beer is Good."
• Sarah Packard

  • and the republicans are trying to push him down for his erotic pose because they find it inappropriate for the children of England.
• Raphael John Biltz

  • and the British PM, David Cameron (I think), has threatened to start a nuclear holocaust if Christina doesn't stop her annoying quasi-singing!
• Sarah Packard

  • but alas she sings on against the termoil of the world, even tho she doesn't sound very good, and professes her love for the erotic hood ornament!
• Raphael John Biltz

  • And the imp comes back from a week-long almost-orgy and starts her own bid for president under the slogan "sex=good, erotic hood ornaments=good, imps=better"
    
    ...it doesn't catch on.
• Sarah Packard

  • and Christina and the imp are caught in an epic battle to the death as the cartiliginous shark named Freddy watches from the stands, eating his veggies and preservatives and puts his arm around Dave the unicorn, making his gay-wonderful-i-love-you-even-tho-you're-another-species-move!
• Raphael John Biltz

  • Then Mr. Cameron says "to hell with it" and nukes the whole world.
    
    Only the ornamentless car dies.
• Sarah Packard

  • Christina and the imp are so struck that they cry at his funeral while Christina wails Amazing Grace and Freddy and Dave holds hands tightly as a flag is flown and the wind picks up, carrying ash and radioactivity from the site over them.
• Raphael John Biltz

  • And, instead of party favors, the radiation gives every cancer and extra limbs.
  • everyone*
• Sarah Packard

  • and they can all hug each other even better now that they have more arms. and Freddy is no longer carteliginous and Dave is a two-horned unicorn and Christina can actually sing and the hood ornament loves her back and the imp is struck witha kind heart and voted president.
• Raphael John Biltz

  • And as president, the Imp manages to persuade Congress to outlaw ornaments leaving their cars unatended, and the hood ornament is retroactively jailed for 17 years... with aSarah Packard
• • and Christina weeps for her love and sings to him through the iron bars of his imprisonment, baking him cookies and puts notes of her love inside of them.
• Raphael John Biltz

  • Then Freddy, being a shark, swims to the bottom of the ocean to find Atlantis, and bring back the fish people to conquer Canada.
    
    THe Imp refuses to commit US troops to stop the invasion.

• Sarah Packard

  • dave stays at home with their adopted cartiliginous horse babies and sews patches on the fish people uniforms. the hood ornament is smoggled out of jail by an underground tunnel and is pushed to the front to lead the fish peoples attack on the Canadians.
• Raphael John Biltz

  • The Canadians make peace by swearing off Curling forever. The fishpeople then wander Quebec aimlessly, wondering what to do with their army.
    
    The hood ornament moves to Kentucky with Christina, and they set up a tattoo parlor that caters to the Amish community.
    (business is poor)
• Sarah Packard

  • um um um.... the Canadian fish army, after wandering Quebec, begin to realize it's cold. so they steal a bear named Mona and high-tail it to the ocean.
• Raphael John Biltz

  • Mona turns out to be an alien and takes control of Atlantis, the Fish people, and Freddy and opresses them with a thousand year reign of terror. Dave writes Freddy letters every month (he can't survive underwater... so he's still in Canada somewhere...)
• Sarah Packard

  • over the thousand years of terror Dave takes their tiny horse babies and teaches them how to swim and breathe underwater and at the day the thousand years ends, he sends his children to challenge the Alien-Bear Mona to an epic battle to the death, for the City of Atlantis and for the Whole World!
• 16 minutes ago

  Raphael John Biltz

  • Mona wins without breaking a sweat, and begins ANOTHER thousand year reign of terror.
    
    But this time... over THE WHOLE WORLD!
• Sarah Packard

  • but but... carteliginous horse babies.....
    they have a heart-wrenching funeral. Freddy has escaped some time during the epic battle and run to his love, Dave. they weep toegether and mourn their children. but this instills in their heart a new-found motivation to end Mona he alien-bears reign over their beloved planet.
• 
  

  Raphael John Biltz

  • The Imp, by this time no longer president, the car and the hood ornament, Christina, and our entire cast (minus Mona and the fish people) get together in Kentucky to work out a plan. A plan to END Mona's reign. They have duct tape and mashed potatoes at their disposal... what else can they possibly need???
• 
  

  Sarah Packard

  • the car is dead! remember his funeral/
    ?
• Raphael John Biltz

  • They drug his body along.
  • it was rather gross
• Sarah Packard

  • but the rest of them lead a frontal attack on Mona the evil bitch bear and killed her dead with mashed potatoes and duct tape. thus providing the world with a worthy tyrant, the dead car, who's body is gross.
• Raphael John Biltz

  • But the dead car really stunk up the new world capitol, and so was soon replaced by Miss Piggy.
    
    Who reigned with great fashion and suave for a thousand thousand years.
    
    The End.
• Sarah Packard

  • that's a great ending.
• Raphael John Biltz

  • anything where Miss Piggy ends up ruling the world is a great ending
• Sarah Packard

  • TRUE!

Westboro Baptist Church of Topeka

i know that everyone likes to throw stones at Westboro and boy would i like to too. but instead, i'm here to simply dispel some of their idiocies.
first; when i went on their website this morning i found a section titled 'god doesn't make bad things happen, mother nature and satan do.' i can quickly tell you something that makes this bogus. when Westboro came to MY church, i had a small chat with a few of it's members. i didn't get angry, i didn't shout (which was actually really hard for me) but what i said to a woman was this;
"how can you beleive that God hates anyone? God is all-merciful and he loves his children. he can't hate."
"God does hate. he smites the wicked and kills the f@#s. the soldiers deserve to die because God hates them."
"but how can you rationalize hate? god loves us, no matter what we've done wrong. he will always forgive us."
"oh but he'll never forgive those f@#s. never. they hate him. they are disgusting. they are unrighteous and god will kill them all."

all i ask is that if God doesn't make bad things happen, why would i hear this from the mouth of a Westboro member? this conversation goes on for a while where this woman basically just repeated herself indefinately and ended my questions by pushing her sign, which read 'your priest is a f@#', in my face and yelling that i was unjust.
so i walked around the circle of human-haters and came across a woman with two small children standing in front of her. these children were both under the age of 5 and were holding signs with unimaginable (to me) cruel things written on them. words i wouldn't ever want a 20 year old, let alone a 5 year old utter.
i said to this woman;
"do this child even know what this sign says?"
"of course not!" the woman said to me as if i were the crazy one here.
"then why is he holding it? how can he represent something he doesn't understand?"
"he is representing God, he understands that."
to which i nodded. it was a good point.
"but the truth is, God doesn't hate anyone. he would never kill anyone. he loves us."
"he may love me, but he doesn't love you."
"what have i done to deserve gods wrath?" i asked, surprised by the cruelty in her voice.
"you have fornicated, you are an unjust child of god, you have disrespected him in your dress!"
i looked down at myself. i was wearing a just-below-the-knee length dress that went all the way up to my neck. i looked back up at her.
"i am a virgin, i am wearing tasteful, respectful clothes to my church service where i worship a lord who loves, not hates. he has forgiven me for the things i've done, have you asked him to forgive you?"
"i don't need to be forgiven. God loves me."
"let he who has not sinned cast the first stone."
she glared at me and shouted something about soldiers dying. i was already walking away.

my point is this: Westboro Baptist Church of Topeka doesn't understand what they're talking about. if Mr. Phelps is gonna spend so much time educating them, he should at least be doing it right.

Earthquakes and Meditation

so i've been getting really into yoga lately, it hurts my back really bad but it makes the rest of me feel really good. i do at least half an hour daily. well the other day i decided to switch it up and do meditation instead, so i turned on my yoga-meditation video and less than five minutes into it my house shook. i figured it was a neighbor downstairs slamming a door too hard, but then it kept going. as the house soon more and more i began to realize that it was an earthquake. i paused my video and got into the nearest doorway faster than i knew i could move. the earthquake lasted another 15-20 seconds before it ended and i remember literally thinking that i might die. that my ricketty shitty apartment would cave in and i'd be crushed. just as this thought struck me the tremors slowed and then stopped.
needless to say it scared the shit out of me. this is Kansas, we're not supposed to have earthquakes in Kansas. but apparently the Humbolt Fault Line, which basically runs right through Kansas, has been getting more and more active since 2007, this was simply the big one and now they expect the activity to go back down again. we'll see.
as for me. i kind of enjoyed the danger of it.

Drugs

i have a friend named Matthew and he and i have been friends for six or so years and we've always been close. able to talk about everything. but he's uncomfortable with me talking about religion, he says it smothers him, and i respect that. i don't bring it up unless he does first and then we have ineresting, wonderful conversation. but after last week when his mom attempted suicide he's been doing drugs just about every night. and he feels the need to text me about it every time he does. it literally feels like he's rubbing it in my face. and i care about this man, he's my friend and i love him and he's treating me like crap by rubbing in my face that he's a stoner. so i confronted him about it and his response (after about 15 minutes of talking) was:
 "look, i support you being a Catholic. why can't you support me being a stoner?"
needless to say i responded by chucking my phone across the room and bursting into tears. and the reason for this reaction is because he's my friend and i care about him. i love him. and it hurts me to know that he's trying to hurt me. especially by comparing my Catholicism to his Stonerism. he knew that would strike a chord and that hurts me just as much as what he actually said. it makes me feel like i'm not worth the effort of at least trying. i used to matter to him.
the moral of the story is: please actually care about your friends, because some of us bleed for you.

Helping Hands

i live quite a ways from campus and have no car so i walk home. well it's past dark and i had to walk home, like i do every night, but this time i didn't have one of my big man-friends to guard me on the way like they usually do. i was walking through the bad side of town on my way to my crappy but adorable apartment and a small, white truck pulls up next to me. i try not to look, terrified i'm going to be raped and murdered and i hear;
"what the hell are you doing?"
i look up to see a good friend of mine from high school whom i haven't seen in a few months.
i laughed and said "i'm walking home."
"where do you live?"
"insert my adress here."
"hell no, get in the car. you're not walking that far."
so i got in the car and he drove me home like a true gentleman. i'm telling this story because i feel like my friend who drove me whom, his name is Kendall, i feel like he's a dying breed. and that seriously depresses me. more people should take a page from this young man's book. he's always been respectful, funny, chivalrous, kind, thoughtful and loving. and that's what every human being, every man, should be. but sadly, most people these days are selfish, gluttonous, immature, jerks. as demonstrated by the pick up line served to me today:
a tall man walked up to me today, put his arm around me and said,"i have a king size bed and it feels real empty without your naked body in it."
no surprise, i laughed, told him 'nice try' and left.
why can't more men be like Kendall?

The Family

So this weekend i'm visiting my family. i haven't seen them in a while. all my little brothers are very grown up and my sister is just as crazy as ever. i love them all. i've missed being around this house, in the hustle and bustle of family life. but at the same time, i'm enjoying my vacation from it. i refer to it as a vacation because i know that it's simply a pause in my life until i get married and have the hustle and bustle of my own family. i can't wait for those days to come. i hope i'm a good mom and a good wife. we'll have to see :)
stick around to find out :D